Stress can escalate until your neck is sore, your heart is racing, and you feel overwhelmed. On an average day, more than half of the workforce leaves work with neck pain, tired eyes, or sore hands. Many take the stress home, vent with family or friends, and then have trouble sleeping. Stop the stress cycle with these nine quick, easy tips. 1. Deep Breaths. Slow racing thoughts and relax knotted muscles by breathing deeply and slowly, at least ten times. Put one hand on your stomach. Make sure it rises with each breath. Avoid fast, shallow chest breaths that increase tension. Breathe in through your nose and exhale through your mouth. 2. Visualization. Picture your favourite place to relax. Beach? Woods? Hiking trail? Keep a picture in your office or on your refrigerator. Pause to feel, hear, and smell your special place. Be there, and the next time you visit your place of contentment, anchor more vivid images to access when your stress cycle begins to escalate. 3. Prioritize. Write down your top three priorities for the day. Put the rest aside. If possible, stop answering your phone or e-mail for thirty minutes. Collect yourself. Focus. When priorities change, pitch that note and write another with only three points. Don’t think too far ahead. Stay in the moment. Work on what’s in front of you. 4. Relaxing Music. If your workplace allows music, opt for slow classical pieces such as Debussy’s “Clair de Lune” or contemporary playlists such as George Winston's “Summer” or “Winter.” Slow your mind and even try to walk in that cadence. Move and swing your arms slightly, doing subtle shoulder rolls to loosen up before you take up the next project. 5. Positive Self-Talk. Don't buy into “calamity conversations” and absorb the stress of others. Run positive messages through your mind. Use your voice. Say, “Of course I can handle this, all in good time.” Walk outside if work continues as the main topic at lunch. Think of something besides work as you walk: dinner with your spouse or your daughter’s soccer game. “I'm really looking forward to this evening.” 6. Set Boundaries and Detach. Make taking care of yourself your first emotional priority. You can’t make people you don’t like vanish, but you can make them a smaller part of your emotional life by responding differently to their emotionality, behaviour, and crises. This means knowing what your hot buttons are and practicing different responses, getting better each time you try. 7. Laugh at Yourself. It’s impossible to smile and stay stressed. If you smile when you’re talking with a coworker or smile when you answer the phone, your stress will unwind. Download and keep on hand favourite comedy podcasts. Keep a list of funny situations you’ve been involved in or scenes from a movie with your favourite comedian. Recall and laugh. 8. Select Stress-free Snacks. Sugar can make you feel great during stressful times, but when your blood sugar crashes, you end up more strung out than before. Choose high-protein snacks such as yogurt or nuts or fibrous vegetables and fruits such as carrots or apples. Decaffeinated teas can be soothing, but avoid coffee, tea, or pop with caffeine, all of which heighten anxiety. 9. Change the What You Watch. Bringing the tension home? Breakaway from your stress by tuning into a comedy or inspirational show on Netflix, TV, or at the theatre—enjoy a storyline where everything ends on a happy note. Leave your own drama by enjoying someone else’s story. No news, no high-adrenaline adventure flicks.

In 2007, two grade 12 students decided to intervene in support of a grade 9 student in their school who had been harassed for wearing a pink shirt at school. To make a statement against bullying and show support for the victim, they bought some pink shirts and encouraged other students to wear them to school the next day. The idea took off like wild fire. Since then, Pink Shirt Day is celebrated every February to protest bullying. According to some reports, bullying is starting at younger ages and has become more frequent and aggressive. Advances in technologies have allowed bullying to take place through electronic devices (cyber-bullying) without face-to-face contacts, affording greater ease and anonymity to bullies while causing greater damage to the victims. Bullying is not your average teasing. It is usually meant to be hurtful. Children who are exposed to bullying on a regular basis can experience significant psychological damage over time. Yet, victims don’t always share what is happening to them. For that reason, parents are encouraged to be vigilant, look for signs, and prepare their kids to deal with its potential occurrence. According to Dr. Michele Borba, who developed a proposal on how to end school violence, parents are waiting too long to teach their children critical skills. She states “bullying is learned and preventable”. Some warning signs: First question to ask: “has my child’s normal behavior, attitude, or appearance, changed recently?” (e.g., increased fighting with siblings, rude to parents, quieter and not interacting as much). Reluctance to go to school (feel sick more, teens may drop out or miss classes) and not want to take part in social activities/events with other students. Begin to lose money, personal items, or need to continually replace pens or other items, or come home with torn clothes, broken possessions, or physical injuries. Upset after using the computer at home. Helping Tips: Start talking now. It is very important to get your child ready by talking about bullying before it happens. Let them know they can come to you if he or she has a problem. Talk about all sorts of bullying: physical, cyber, emotional, etc. Make sure they understand the definition of bullying. Don’t rescue your child. Teach your child skills which empower them as much as possible to cope with the situation. Work collaboratively with your child. Offer to help, develop safety plans, encourage them to talk to a supportive friend. Be familiar with your child’s schedule, friends, and activities. Teach them to be assertive, to speak up and use a firm voice so they can stand up for themselves, how to walk and stand with confidence, head high and shoulders back. Give them tips to protect themselves: staying in close proximity to adults or older kids; walking towards others if they need help. Role play asking for help. Tell your kid about areas where bullies prey so they can avoid them or minimize their exposure. Train your child how to stay calm and not react to bullies ‘comments. Be prepared to advocate for your child (talking to a teacher or principal). Never promise to keep that information confidential.

Gambling is an extremely popular activity among Canadians. More than half of the adult population gambles on occasion, and a sizable number of people gamble every week. Most Canadians gamble without problem, purely for entertainment purposes. But for a small minority, gambling can be problematic or even pathological. Somewhere between 600,000 and 1.2 million Canadians have gambling problems. For these people, gambling is like alcohol to an alcoholic. Gambling is often a hidden addiction. Problem gamblers are usually able to keep their addiction a secret from the people closest to them, at least until the gambling leads to some crisis such as missing money or fraud. It is not always easy for the family to know there is a problem because it is often so well hidden. When is gambling a problem? Gambling becomes a problem when the gambler no longer thinks of gambling as just a form of entertainment. Problem gambling is gambling behavior that compromises, disrupts or damages the gambler’s personal, family or work life. Problem gambling has many names. It may be referred to as compulsive, problem, pathological or addictive gambling, but regardless of what it is called, compulsive gambling is an illness that negatively affects every aspect of the gambler’s life. Why do they gamble? Research indicates that the majority of compulsive gamblers have unresolved underlying issues. Gamblers may become compulsive if they use gambling as a way of escaping from these issues. Underlying issues can include; stress, depression, loneliness, unhappy personal relationships, grief, feelings of inadequacy or boredom. A substantial initial win can also get a gambler “hooked”. What do they gamble on? A compulsive gambler does not have to go far to gamble. Even if there is not a racetrack or casino in the area, gambling is still available. Lotteries are one of the most common forms of gambling for compulsive gamblers. Problem and compulsive gamblers prefer forms of gambling that give instant gratification such as lotteries, Video Lottery Terminals (VLTs), Bingo, horse racing, and casino betting. Sports pools, sports lotteries and card games are also common. Negative Effects of gambling Most people assume the biggest risk in gambling is to your wallet, but there are also health and social risks. Compulsive gambling can lead to financial ruin, job loss, family break down, health problems, and even suicide. Family members of compulsive gamblers are more likely to have substance abuse problems and to attempt suicide. Do you have a gambling problem? 1. Do you often think about gambling during the day and/ or about your next venture? 2. Do you lie to your family or friends about your gambling to conceal how often you play? 3. Have you stayed away form your work and gambled instead? 4. Is gambling making your home life unhappy? 5. Do you gamble alone? 6. Do you ever gamble to get money to pay debts or to solve financial difficulties? 7. After losing do you feel you must return as soon as possible and win back your losses? 8. Do you ever gamble longer than you had planned? 9. Do you use gambling as a way to escape your problems? 10. Have you taken money from special savings or trust accounts? 11. Have you spent money on gambling instead of paying bills? 12. Have you ever committed, or considered committing an illegal act to finance gambling? Help for gamblers and their families If you or someone you know has a gambling problem contact: · Your FSEAP professional He or she will let you know about the treatment and counseling services available to you. · Gamblers Anonymous (GA) A self-help organization for compulsive gamblers. They hold meetings in all ten Canadian provinces. GA follows the principals of the 12 steps of recovery also used by Alcoholics Anonymous. Anyone with the desire to stop gambling can join. For meeting locations and times in your area, see the Gamblers Anonymous Website at http://www.gamblersanonymous.org · Gam Anon A support group for the spouse, family or friends of compulsive gamblers. It is a sister association of Gamblers Anonymous. For meeting locations and times in your area, see the Gam Anon Website at http://www.gamanon.org. Problem Gambling Helplines in Canada--Confidential and open 24 hours a day. (Source: Canadian Centre on Substance Abuse) Alberta Alcohol and Drug Abuse Commission Helpline 1-866-332-2322 British Columbia ­ Problem Gambling Information and Referral Service 1-888-795-6111 Manitoba Gambling Helpline 1-800-463-1554 New Brunswick Problem Gamblers Hotline 1-800-461-1234 Newfoundland and Labrador Helpline 1-888-899-4357 Nova Scotia Toll-Free Gambling Helpline 1-888-347-8888 Nunavut Kamatsiaqtut Helpline (1-800-265-3333) Ontario Problem Gambling Helpline 1-888-230-3505 Prince Edward Island Gambling Addiction Treatment Program 1-888-299-8399 Québec – Gambling Help and Referral 514-527-0140 Montreal and surrounding area 1-800-461-0140 and 1-866-767-5389 throughout province Saskatchewan Problem Gambling Helpline 1-800-306-6789 * Permission to photocopy with credit given to Lisa Pridmore, Summer Student, Family Service Canada.

Watch for signs that a frail loved one is having trouble coping alone Your elderly mother left the stove on and burned up an oven mitt. Your well-dressed father showed up at a family get-together in a stained shirt. You’ve noticed they aren’t able to keep up with the housework, and the fridge is full of expired food. You worry about their safety and health. Are they still able to live on their own? It’s difficult to determine whether your aging parent, or loved one, is managing alone. No matter how hard it may be for them to look after their day-to-day chores, many frail seniors are reluctant to ask for help. They may think of it as an admission of incompetence, an invasion of their privacy, or even be afraid they will be forced into institutional care if they admit they can’t keep up. Whether out of anxiety or pride, many older adults try to conceal the mental and physical difficulties they are experiencing with age. On top of this, you may find it hard to admit your parents need help. They have always been the ones to take care of you, and it can be strange to find the roles reversed. Your parent or loved one may also be determined to stay in their own home, and naturally, you want them to be happy and independent as long as they can. But staying healthy is also a priority, and that means living in a clean, safe environment, following prescriptions properly, eating nutritious meals, and even keeping the finances under control. Determining the problem The following checklist will help you assess whether your loved one needs help: Grooming: changes in appearance, dirty or unkempt hair, ragged fingernails, decaying teeth mismatched or soiled clothing body odour Housekeeping dirty dishes or laundry piled up accumulation of garbage excessive dirty or clutter unsanitary conditions, especially in the kitchen or bathroom Nutrition noticeable weight loss complaints of poor appetite, or loose-fitting dentures insufficiently or inappropriately stocked refrigerator and pantry expired or rotting food in the refrigerator Finances accumulation of unopened mail, especially bills major credit card debt, or large, inexplicable bank account withdrawals bounced cheques inability to perform basic banking transactions including writing a cheque Medication non-compliance with medication regimes - look for prescriptions that have been filled, and unused or expired containers of medicine lack of an organized system for managing medications prescriptions filled by a variety of pharmacies Mobility difficulty going from sitting to standing position poor balance poor walking endurance difficulty negotiating stairs in the home inability to safety access the community via walking, driving or public transit Safety recent falls -- be on the look out for bruises or limping cluttered walkways or stairwells accidents with household appliances Energy level lethargy social withdrawal Mental Status poor short-term memory confusion inability to carry out familiar routines or follow instructions poor judgement stemming from lack of insight into needs and limitations suspiciousness Making a care plan If you think your aging parent or relative is unable to cope alone, you will need to make a plan to take care of their needs. Ask your doctor or another expert in seniors’ health to help you assess the situation and find the best solution for everyone involved. Begin discussing care options with your parent, or loved one, as soon as possible. Talk about where you think they need help and include them in the decision-making process. While they may not want to talk about changes, be respectful and don’t give up. This is a very frightening time for many seniors—just imagine how scary it would be to admit you can no longer cook your own meals, or even climb the staircase in your house. They need your understanding and support. If you find it difficult to talk to your loved one, try enlisting the help of someone they trust—such as a doctor, pastor, friend or neighbour—to discuss the problem and reinforce the need for help. Remember there are many different care options available, from housekeeping services and meals-on-wheels programs to seniors’ residences that offer laundry, social activities and 24-hour medical care. Your plan should be based on your loved one’s needs and abilities as well as your own! Be sure to consider your own limits—physical, mental and financial—when creating your plan. Being a caregiver can be exhausting, so you should be prepared to ask for help. Family, friends and community organizations can all lend a hand. To learn more about the resources available in your community, contact your EAP counsellor, health professional or local seniors agency. Additional Resources Links will direct you to resources outside of FSEAP.ca. 1. Government of Canada - Programs and services for seniors: https://www.canada.ca/en/employment-social-development/campaigns/seniors.html 2. Public Health Agency of Canada – Aging & Seniors, http://www.phac-aspc.gc.ca/seniors-aines/ 3. Canada Seniors Directory - https://www.canadianseniorsdirectory.ca/senior-service-canada/seniors-canada/ * Permission to photocopy with credit given to Burlington Counselling & Family Services and Jennifer McCarthy, Family Service Canada Consultant.

The quality of our adult life depends in large measure on what we have developed as a result of life’s experiences. Our method of reacting to stress and adapting in a positive manner to change, whether at work or in our private lives, is dependent on the tools acquired during our childhood. In this regard, it is said of someone who has a strong ability to adapt to stress-driven situations and change, that he has learned how to cope or is resilient. While we all have a lifetime to develop varying aspects of ourselves, it is the childhood period that is the most important in acquiring many tools. As parents, we therefore have an important part to play in how our children learn to cope. Our attitude can make all the difference. Avoiding physical and psychological over-protection Be it physical or psychological, the over-protection of a child decreases his chances of developing his own ways to deal with his experiences. In the same way that the body’s immune system must be exposed to the environment to be strengthened, the cognitive system needs to be grounded in reality in order to develop the ability to manage stress and the capability to adapt to change. As a parent, our impulse is to want to protect our children from any harm that may befall them. This is normal and healthy. Nonetheless, a distinction must be made between protection and over-protection. Protection means to keep our children out of real danger. Over-protection is trying to keep our children distanced from all difficulties that may arise. Over-protection often results from our own fears and our own adult needs. It is thus important to question oneself on the attitude that one adopts vis-à-vis our children. For example: • Your child has a setback in school. You react immediately by calling his teacher for an explanation. Is this protection or over-protection? Would it not be better to first sit down with your child and get his version of the facts? • Rather than explaining to him a family conflict of which he is already knowledgeable, you cover up the situation in front of him. Are you protecting him or to the contrary, are you depriving him of an opportunity to express his fears and his needs? What will he learn from these situations if he is not involved? It is important to psychologically support a child in his daily life, but it is also as important to avoid eliminating all difficulties that might arise as he grows up. Guiding without smothering In a troublesome time for your child, it is vital to let him feel that you are there for him and to be a good listener when he speaks about what is bothering him. However it is good to encourage him to find his own answers. You can certainly be involved in the discussion of solutions that he contemplates, but he must feel that he is able to exercise personal power in the given circumstances. It is also important to reinforce the decisions he takes by reviewing with him both the positive and negative consequences of the action that he has taken or proposes to take. If he seems to believe that he is powerless over the situation, do not allow him to sink into the position of victim. Listen to his troubles vis-à-vis the situation and figure out with him how he can make it more acceptable. Do not impose on him what you see as an answer, but let him think about his own solutions. Remind him of another problem that he succeeded in overcoming and review what he determined was the solution. Do not encourage avoiding trouble Refusing to face a difficult situation will not make it disappear. Even if the context may change with time, and the situation evolves, the personal discomfort that existed may linger for a long time. Therefore do not encourage avoidance. For example, if your child decides he no longer wants to attend swimming lessons, ask him why. You might discover that he has a conflict with a buddy or he has been unable to do a certain stroke, etc. If he had a long-time interest in swimming, it would be surprising that he should lose it suddenly. Often, it would be an underlying problem that would lead him to give it up. And even if he picks karate in exchange for swimming, he will always believe that he was not capable of facing a difficulty that arose. Question yourself but do not feel guilty As parents, it is understood that our attitude is largely dependent on what we ourselves have developed as tools. Even if one rationally knows what to do, in every day reality, there are still numerous factors that govern our actions and reactions. To feel guilty and to strive for perfection only adds to daily worries and helps no one. To question oneself from time to time as to our outlook and to recognize our strengths and personal limitations are the only objectives that you personally have and which, at the same time, will provide the best examples for your children. Written by France Boucher, Psychologist * Permission to photocopy with credit given to MRB and Associates.

Spending more time with friends and family, discovering new hobbies, traveling the world, going back to school, starting your own business…for many people retirement is a much-anticipated event. It is a time of freedom, when workday obligations can be left behind, and there’s plenty of time to spend on the things you enjoy most. While we are often told to begin planning and saving for retirement as early as possible, retirement is more than just a financial change. Retirement is a major life transition, and requires more than money, or even good health, to become a successful and happy lifestyle choice. Transitions Retirement is more than a one-day event. It requires adjustments in all areas of your life, including your available income, your relationships, your daily routine, your responsibilities and even your personal identity. All these changes can create unexpected stress and unhappiness for the recently retired person. In fact, a study by the Conference Board of Canada found that one-third of all Canadians have trouble adjusting to retirement. The people who have the least trouble are those who took the time before retirement to plan for the emotional as well as financial challenges of not working. The number one reason for dissatisfaction in retirement is boredom. (Money worries and poor health are less frequent complaints than you would expect!) Without the daily routine and social contact of the workplace, many people find themselves feeling alone and disengaged from their usual social circle. Even married couples are affected. Retirement means changes not only to relationships with friends and coworkers, but also big changes to life with your spouse. After a few days at home you may discover your idea of the perfect retirement is very different from your wife or husband’s. Tensions may also appear if you expect your spouse to fill the void of lost social contact at work – an impossible task for any one person. In addition, spouses who are already retired, or spend most of their time at home, may find their newly retired wife or husband constantly “underfoot.” To avoid these types of problems, it is important to discuss your retirement plans with your spouse, family and friends, and prepare yourself financially and psychologically for the day you quit work. Planning It is important to think about and plan your retirement before your last day on the job. How do you feel about retiring? If you are anxious or have other negative feelings about it, you may not want to plan at all. But planning is essential and will prevent you from feeling lost and unhappy while adjusting to retirement life. The best thing to do is to think of retirement as a new opportunity. The average person spends more than 40 hours a week at work. You now have an extra eight hours per day to pursue your own interests, such as returning to school, traveling the world, volunteering for a favourite cause, starting a new hobby, or even moving to a place you’ve always wanted to live. Get out a pen and paper and make a list of all the things you would like to do, and then prioritize them. Keep in mind your financial means, your family’s needs and your personal values and dreams, while you do this. The list will make a fantastic start to your retirement planning. It will help you decide what is most important to you, and provide an exciting blueprint for the next phase of your life. But planning means more than just big projects and exciting new adventures. You should also think about how your daily routine will change, and how you would like to spend an ordinary day. Now that you don’t have to get up at 6 am to go to work, will you sleep in? Are you a morning person? It may seem silly to plan such small details, but it is important to acknowledge your life is changing, and consider what those changes will be. Setting a new routine will also help you deal with the loss of direction you may feel without a work to set the rhythm of your day. Relationships Our lives are closely connected to those of our families and friends. When you make a big change in your life, such as retiring, your action will undoubtedly affect those closest to you. It is important to plan for your retirement with friends and family in mind, if not involved, in the process. Married couples should discuss their expectations, and begin to seek out activities or hobbies they can do together. While you will also want to maintain and develop independent interests, spending time together, especially when discovering something new, will bring you closer and help ease the strain this major lifestyle change may have on your relationship. If you are single, you should start to develop a strong network of friends and interests outside of work. Despite best intentions, friendships based in the workplace often fade once you are outside that environment. Talk to people who have already retired, and ask them what went well and what didn’t. Their experiences will help guide your through this important transition, and they may be able to help introduce you to a whole new circle of friends. Working While people tend look eagerly on retirement as an end to the “daily grind,” more and more Canadians are continuing to work past their official retirement day. For some financial necessity keeps them in the workplace, but many others discover they miss the self-fulfillment and satisfaction from a job well done. Retired workers may decide to return to the workforce in a number of ways, such as starting a new career, taking part-time work, volunteering for their church or community, or even starting their own business. If you are planning to begin a new career or start your own business, it is a good idea to begin preparing in advance. Will you need to acquire new skills? What kind of financial resources are needed? Who will be your clients or important contacts? Many employers are now trying to keep valuable, experienced workers on the job by hiring them as consultants, short-term contractors, or part-time workers. If this sounds interesting to you, you may want to discuss these options with your employer before you leave your job. There are also many temporary employment agencies around to help you make your transition back into the workforce. Several of these actually specialize in older workers. Enjoying Yourself Remember, there is no right or wrong way to spend your retirement. What you do depends on your own personal wants and needs. While it is always a good idea to plan, don’t put all your eggs in one basket. Plan several different activities and projects, and don’t be afraid to take on new opportunities as they come up. Finally, be patient with family, friends and yourself. Retirement is a major lifestyle change and it will take awhile to adjust, relax and fully enjoy your new life. Keep a positive attitude, and make the most out of this new phase of your life. References: 50 Plus (Canadian Association of Retired Persons). www.carp.ca Canadian Senior Years. Retired Worker Canada. http://www.retiredworker.ca Seniors Canada On-line. http://www.seniors.gc.ca * Permission to photocopy with credit given to Jennifer McCarthy, Family Service Canada Consultant.

There’s an Art to Giving Feedback From whom would you rather receive work performance feedback - your boss or your coworkers? Many people fear the boss less. That’s because supervisors generally follow conventional rules of feedback, which make it easier to accept, while coworkers often take a “no-holds-barred, take-no-prisoners” approach which can be very difficult to handle. As a group, coworkers’ feedback can be a force to help you change and grow, even more than a supervisor’s, so why not adopt some rules of engagement that will make giving and taking feedback from colleagues more effective and easier to hear? Here are some suggestions. Put the Focus on Behavior, Not Personality Focus on your coworkers’ behavior, actions, statements, and results when giving feedback, rather than on the people themselves. Feedback is much easier to accept when the person receiving it does not feel their personal worth is being criticized. It is much better to state feedback positively, rather than negatively, when possible. At least, be tactful. Then, offer suggestions on how to improve performance. It’s How You Say It that Counts For example: 1) Don’t say someone was “boring” while giving a presentation, as that labels him or her negatively and hurts self-esteem. Instead, identify the parts of the presentation that could have been better and suggest ways to make them more interesting. 2) Be specific. It isn’t helpful when you say, “Your presentation wasn’t very interesting.” Instead, say “Your presentation would be improved by changing your delivery and offering details to hold the listeners’ attention.” Then make suggestions, e.g., “Mary, you need to speak louder and put more energy into your presentation delivery so people feel your passion.” Mary, you could also give details about where you got your idea for the ‘whatchamacallit’ and how you created a prototype.” 3) Tell your colleague what’s working well, e.g., “Wow, you really dressed nicely for that presentation, Robert, and it was just the right length. You have a terrific vocabulary!” Good Things Come in Threes Employee educators are often advised when giving feedback to “give three to glow on and one to grow on.” Don’t overwhelm your colleagues with too much criticism. Focus only on one or two important points. Let your coworkers hear at least three things you appreciated so that they know you value their efforts despite the constructive criticism you’re offering. Resistance Isn’t Futile, It’s a Good Sign Listen calmly to what your coworker has to say in response to your feedback. Refuting feedback is often a first step toward a coworker’s acceptance of it. It doesn’t automatically mean your coworker is in denial; refutation is a normal reaction we experience to protect our egos. The remarks he or she makes should lead to further discussion. You may find that your coworker had valid reasons for doing what you criticized. Use the phrase, “I understand” often. Soon, your coworker may accept that his or her efforts could be improved by your suggestions. When the Feedback Doesn’t Fit When it’s your turn to receive constructive criticism from colleagues, listen carefully, rephrase their comments in your own words for clarification, and ask questions. If they don’t give you specifics, ask for them. Ask for suggestions, as well. Don’t let your ego get involved! If you feel you had a valid reason for the action they are criticizing, state the reason calmly and ask, “Do you think I should have handled that another way?” When they finish, thank them and tell them you will think carefully about the feedback. You may discover that they have given you excellent ideas for improving your performance. Following these rules of engagement will give you and your colleagues an effective and non-threatening procedure for giving and receiving feedback about work performance.

Poll any group of employees—from the mail room to the upper levels of management- and you’ll find poor workplace communication as one of the top organizational complaints. For something that we do every day, we just don’t seem to be very good at it. In fact, the attitude that communication should come naturally may be contributing to the problem, since workplace communication remains one of the most overlooked and untrained job skills. Although most employees have little control over their companies’ communication processes, all of us contribute to the quality of our workplace communication through our interactions with our coworkers. Here are a few tips to improve communication in your own corner of the workplace. It’s not what you say; it’s how you say it. The same message can be interpreted in vastly different ways depending on the tone in which it is delivered. Always strive to keep communication positive and polite. A negative, accusatory, or aggressive tone tends to put the listener on the defensive, causing the underlying message to be distorted or not heard at all. Know your audience. Effective communication starts with observation. Because not everyone communicates in the same manner, knowing and mimicking your coworkers’ individual styles can vastly improve your communication with them. While a brusque, to-the-point style may work with a type-A personality, it may seem rude and impersonal to someone who likes to make polite small-talk before getting down to business. Knowing and adapting to these styles can make all the difference. Timing is sometimes the most critical part of delivering your message. If you require someone’s full attention for a length of time, it is often helpful to schedule a time to meet instead of approaching that person when he or she is focused on other things. Sometimes this can be done in an informal manner by requesting that someone see you when time permits. Just the facts, ma’am. Many a meeting has been derailed by the one or two participants who seem unable to limit their input to the subject at hand. Before speaking, envision topical bullet points and limit your comments to them. If you find yourself veering off course or notice others looking at their watches as you speak, wrap it up by briefly summarizing your main points. Limit your message list. Nothing is more frustrating than being copied on an e-mail chain about a topic that doesn’t concern you. Abuse of the “copy all” function reduces productivity, creates confusion, and eventually causes employees to disregard important communications because they no longer have the time to filter relevant information from the avalanche of information overflowing from their in-boxes. Before hitting the send button, mentally verify that each person on the copy list needs access to the information contained within. Always follow up. Never assume that an electronic message has been received. Digital information can be lost in transmission or accidentally deleted by the person receiving it. Make a habit of regularly following up on important communications. Give frequent updates. It’s easy to lose perspective when working on large-scale projects that aren’t due for completion until months later. Schedule daily, weekly, or monthly summaries of work in progress in order to keep superiors, co-workers, and subordinates up to date and aware of changes that may affect them. Never say “no” as a first response No one likes to be told no. When asked to perform a task that may take you away from other important work, inform that requester of the time and/or expense the task will take to accomplish, and the effect it will have on your previously scheduled projects. Armed with this information, the requester will be able to draw his or her own conclusions about whether to proceed, and is less likely to focus on your perceived unwillingness to do the work.

What is Anger? Anger is a natural human emotion that prepares and enables us to attack a perceived threat. Anger is not a bad emotion, but we must learn to control it. Mismanaged anger is a major cause of conflict in relationships at home and at work. Violence — in the home, at work, and on the road — is the most severe consequence of mismanaged anger. Controlling the Response Although aggression is a natural response to anger, society requires us to manage it. Many of us do not learn this well while growing up. As a result, anger is often mismanaged in response to life events. We then experience more harm from these events than they would otherwise cause. Fortunately, we can change the way we react to unpleasant events and gain control over anger and rage. Rage is an explosive, violent response to anger and is typically disproportionate to the distress of the precipitating event. The Nature of Anger Anger can emerge from external stimuli or internal thoughts about things that we perceive as threats, whether real or imagined. Memories of traumatic events that caused rage can also trigger angry feelings. Without life skills to manage anger, it is easy to feel powerless over it. Getting a Grip on Anger Most techniques for managing anger fall within three categories: suppression, expression, and intervention. Each has its unique benefits. Suppression is the practice of consciously inhibiting the expression of your anger. Expression entails talking about angry feelings to reduce their intensity. Intervention seeks to reduce anger by changing the way you think or react to anger producing events. Do You Need Help? If you have a problem with anger, you probably already know it. You may respond to negative situations with uncontrollable rage. You may say or do things that frighten yourself and others. Perhaps you have physically hurt someone or come close to doing so. You may not trust yourself to act appropriately and control your temper. You may overuse suppression to prevent feeling anger, and as a result, risk an explosive response to an enraging event. Feeling out of control is a sign that more help is needed. Try this Intervention Tool The following is a simple intervention tool to help you gain control over your anger in response to a recurring provocative event. Try it to see if it helps. Instructions: Each time you experience the event that produces anger write out the answers to the questions below. Do this for 10 times. As time goes by, you may experience diminishing anger responses to the event. Questions: First sign that I was angry? How intense did the anger feel (scale of 0 to 5 (0= not at all, 5= maximum intensity) What triggered it? How did I respond to the event? What did I do well this time? What will I do better the next time this event occurs?

What is Depression? Depression is a common mental illness that affects nearly 10 percent of the people in the United States. It is a treatable, medical condition — not a personal weakness. Everybody at one point or another experiences sadness or the “blues” as a reaction to loss, grief, or an emotionally upsetting incident. Someone might say they are “depressed,” but major depression is a serious medical condition requiring professional diagnosis and treatment. Depression left untreated can lead to other health care and life problems, and if severe enough, even suicide. What Causes Depression? Depression can be caused by one specific incident or a combination of factors. Grief over the loss of a loved one, a major life change, physical or emotional harm by another person, a physical injury, illness, or even side effects of medication could cause depression. Depression can also be caused by changes in the brain, and in many instances is hereditary. Depression often runs in families. What are the Symptoms of Depression Symptoms of depression may include sadness, hopelessness, irritability, feelings of guilt, crying spells, sleep and eating disturbances, a negative self- image, the inability to feel joy, changes in body weight, decrease in energy or sexual interest, headaches, and thoughts of suicide. Depression may include other symptoms not listed here. Do not blame yourself for symptoms of depression, and do not permit them to grow worse. Instead, seek help. Myths About Depression There are many myths about depression. These include the beliefs that depression is a sign of weakness and that you are hopeless, crazy, or should be able to “just snap out of it.” It is also a myth that depression causes alcoholism or other drug addictions. Addictive diseases are a primary illness, which means they are not secondary or caused by other medical conditions. It is possible to have both diagnoses at the same time. This is called a “dual-diagnosis.” How is Depression Treated? Depression may be treated with or without medication, with individual or group counseling, diet, exercise, or other types of interventions including alternative therapies. Regardless of the approach taken, it is important to have depression evaluated by a medical doctor, preferably a psychiatrist. Thoughts of suicide warrant the immediate need for medical help.